My very first letter for myself was a few years ago (of course before the pandemic). It tells about how I was in love with someone. After I wrote the letter on a piece of paper, I just put it in one of my drawers. A drawer inside the cupboard to be exact.
A few months after I wrote it, I read it again and I was like… Wow, I was that so in love with that guy and this is a total cringe. I laughed at my writing, by how I described my feelings about this one guy. Then, I decided to tear the letter into small pieces so no one could puzzle it. I really couldn't handle my embarrassment of myself.
There I was in 2020, with huge indescribable feelings because I, we, should adapt to the pandemic. I couldn’t let my feelings out even in my journal. I didn’t have words to say about my thoughts and feelings.
So I decided to read my past journals (circa 2018 and 2019), tried to get to know my feelings at that time. From reading my past journals, I remembered my very first letter. I forgot that I already tore it up and threw it so long ago, then I chose to take one piece of paper to write my first letter in 2020.
I’ve made some letters after that and talked about the essential things that need to be done between me and the things around me. To figure out something. To cheer up my feeling.
For me, personally, two different things happened when I write a journal and a (personal) letter. First, I use two different points of view for myself. It feels like you write the letter and will send it but it’s for you. So, I use ‘I’ and ‘you’ for myself in one letter. Second, it makes you think deeply about yourself, know what is going on inside yourself, and try to give yourself some advice.
I spare a special time for myself just to write a letter. It needs the readiness, mentally, of course. I always take a deep breath several times before write. Sometimes in the middle of the writing too. When something that I don’t want to talk about suddenly popped up, I should write about it. For the relief of the heart.
I used to write when nobody is around the house or when my family is asleep. It needs at least an hour to write the letter. So, alone is the perfect time to write.
I love to make some stained paper with coffee. The color that looks vintage always makes me want to produce something with my pen and hand. The combination of the light brown color from the coffee and the black ink pen looks so classic and warm.
I have some wrapping papers that I’ve got from some gifts. I don’t wanna throw away the wrapping papers. Then, I made some envelopes for my letters from them.
So, that’s how I made a self-letter and what I feel about it.
